JUST HER WORLD

They Meant Love

2011-10-01T01:16:00.001+08:00

Was testing out the blogger app but Wordpress blogs better for the photo features.

Dear blogspot, please improve yourself. I like you better.

Goodbye Blogspot!

2011-09-30T14:18:00.002+08:00

Have been using Blogspot for many many years. After much thoughts and technology have advanced so much, no choice, I have officially switched over to http://vonkoh.wordpress.com .

Thank you blogspot. You have been serving well. <3

If, Given A Choice

2011-09-29T21:43:00.000+08:00

Seriously, I wish I could just spend more time with Kikki, Bobo, my parents and my love. Nevertheless that the job is rather tiring and everyday, I only get to spend that few hours with him. It makes me feel that I should cherish more of that short time with him.

But short time, how to make it qaulity?

I hate it when Ginny ask if we should put Kikki to sleep. Because now she is on long term medication, and I can understand where is she coming from when it is really taxing on her end. I wish I could do something. I wish I could have that extra cash to help out, I wish I have a house of my own to house the dogs now too and be with my parents. Have everything the same as before. But how? God, if there's miracle? If it ever exist, or at least in my life? And if myself or we even make the choice of putting her to sleep, will they hate me or is this really what we want?

Talking about jobs, everybody is always looking for a job that pays well of course. I know I'm in the right company. But I'm always tired, more tired than the days I was in Walton. So what if I'm earning more than 3k per month, it's not enough. NOT ENOUGH AT ALL!

I appreciate for the fact that my life had to turn this way in order for me to learn that money is so fucking important. And probably this is what Ginny always want to teach me and I never learnt because I took everything for granted. To stretch that every single dollar.

I Need A Life

2011-09-15T21:53:00.001+08:00

Been really busy at work every day and I feel darn upset for not being able to blog at all.

It simply mean I have no time for no other stuff.

So, I need some activities. Now what? ):

Workaholic, NOT!

2011-08-06T12:38:00.000+08:00

I am finally able to be up, sitting right in front of my laptop on a Saturday. It's been such a long time since the last time I could do that.

Seriously, I'm beginning to hate this iPhone and iPad gadgets. They are taking my life away. Now, so much for all these biggies trying to facilitate all those convenient 'features' to our phones. I'm always on my phone, working almost round the clock. And somehow, its so annoying that I hate the sound of my ringtone. And looking at the name of the caller definitely made it worse.

But last night, thank God it was on silent mode. My phone calls start coming in as early as 8 am. Nevertheless, I managed to sleep till noon.

I thought of looking for other job opportunities, because I don't like the idea of being kept away from my life. I need to see some 'light' on the other end, as in, prospects. I don't want to stay at where I am for the whole life. Someone mentioned to me before that this company that I am working for works a bit like the government, there is something like a yearly increment thing going on. Yes, all and all that I can go on talking about how attractive working for them is. But in time to come, where is it going to lead me to?

Okay, I know I've been complaining my job. Everybody works hard for something, and other than working for a home, for my parents and boyfriend. I seriously have no idea where this job is taking me to. No, not a team leader role. Customer service team leader role? All right, feel free to tell me what's in your mind.

I love my job somehow, as it's different. I play with dogs and kids if I see them around the development. A little bonding time that kind. Get to know different people. But I can't forget about that 'but'.

Kai Wei say I'm a workaholic. I am still working to get out of this fucking rat race.

Some people worked hard and bought their first condominium at my age now. So, what are we doing? All right, on the other hand, some might argue that we are going to slave to our money. Honestly, who isn't?

Dream Job, Or Just Earning A Living

2011-08-02T20:53:00.000+08:00

I miss blogging, I may not know who are my readers. But I know, I'm not alone.

One of the homeowners of The Greenwood, brought me out for lunch today and we chat. (Of course, it will be a 'guilty' meal because of the defects in her house.) At the same time, we talked about jobs and all. She always say my job 'doesn't pay'.

So, what exactly is Customer Service about? Am I really a customer-oriented person? Or is it because I am just heading towards the directions of the wind?

Melissa asked why am I here, my reason was just to earn a living. But I asked what does she look in a job. Her reply was job satisfaction, and on par with salary. True, an individual must have of certain value to the company in order to be that they are value-adding the company.

My situation now, I need a job with a good salary that pays me well in order to sustain. Still, its not enough. YY (from my previous company) once told me, we are still low income earners. Not anywhere near middle income, which I find it really true. My rental is already like 1/4 of my gross salary, how am I going to survive?

So this homeowner lady told me, you have to enjoy what you are doing; have to find joy even in bitterness. I understand that, that's why I am still staying with the job. I love my colleagues too. But why do I feel that all of us, are suffering in silence? She asked if I am interested in being her Personal Assistant. I was more interested with being a Crude Oil Trader. (Okay, I didn't dare to ask. Feel that its not time at all.)

Honestly, I don't think I have anymore time for me to wait and choose the career path or even switch it. Unless I am doing sales. My state of evolving, is still not at expectation.

Why so? Because of prospects.

How is Marriage Like?

2011-08-01T23:21:00.001+08:00

No, I'm not dying to get married. Just curious.

My team leader for current company, was sharing with Melissa and myself about his 'unsuccessful' marriage. Usually, people will use the word 'failed' marriage. However, how should that word be used? Only betrayals in the picture, yes?

My team leader's character is someone, whom you will never think of who will ever end up in a divorce. And, why did he and his wife even split two months after their marriage, he said they just stopped communicating; which I find it rather sad.

It's like they have worked so hard and came so far, yet all they decided to do was to give one another up after so many years in the relationship.

So what determines a good partner? Qualities vs. quantity, what's your take?

It makes me think rather much about Kai Wei and myself. Our relationship is still 'young'. And, his responsibility is already there for me right from the very beginning he decided to come after me. Will he, be like my team leader, be tired one day as well?

They said love is blind. But love was not blind, just that many tend to follow their heart. What's love if you had used very much of your brain?

Kai Wei and myself are moving kind of fast-forward (no, not fast-forward about baby-making). That, in just a couple of years time, his responsibility will not be just the both of us. It's building a nest for the both of us, as well as for my parents.

Is marriage supposed to be an excitement? Or is it the sparkles that we constantly have to create for one another to keep running?

Our relationship now does not seem like we are dating. I do feel as though we are like some married old couple. Leading life and providing for one another. Did I miss out on blogging our sparkles?

All right, back to my team leader. To us, it's a pity. To him, he does not even feel anything or even near how he felt before. This is the scary part about human beings; when we are head over heels, we love madly like how little puppies wiggle their tails and follow who they love all the time. When the feelings gone, everything is irreversible. No matter how much effort you think you have wasted.

Anyway, four more days to our special day. (: Finally get to blog using my laptop, and now, time to sleep. Goodnight all. <3

If There's Past Life;

2011-05-22T13:57:00.002+08:00

I must have done much wrong to others.

If this life for payback, so be it.

Every Single Thing

2011-05-19T11:46:00.000+08:00

Oh my, my last entry was on 1st April 2011? It's already May 2011 now.

Brought my laptop to work and am at Greenwood now. By the way, just in case you guys don't know. Greenwood is actually a development of clustered houses that's located at Greenwood Avenue (located near National Junior College, Bukit Timah area). In other words, it's uber near Ngee Ann Polytechnic as well. But that's like many bus stops away of course.

Felt as though my life have mellowed down a whole lot. It's like, I'm spending more time with my family now. Yes, mummy is still as annoying and ginny never fail to make me life 10 times worse than any other day.

All the changes seem to be taking over the whole of me, which I could hardly allow my brain to catch a breath.

I am wondering if I am changing. Yet there ain't proper roots that I have taken ground with.

Every day cab cab cab. Knn a bit waste money. /: Have transport allowance also not enough.

Life is;

2011-04-01T00:58:00.000+08:00

A joke.

This one week been hibernating my brain and whatsoever, I just was not myself.

I wonder if whatever I am going through now, is God's way of 'polishing' me the person He wants me to be. It's difficult.

From having all that I want, to all that I have to fight for now.

And ironically, having a home now, is something that I have to fight for now.

I thought family should have been your pillar, fate playing me out or what, my family members are all over the place and care only about themselves.

I know how much my family loves me. But I can't help feeling disappointed with how things turned out.

I ever doubted Kai Wei's love for me. But it's my choice after all to be this guy whom I'm with today. I don't know how my future going to be like.

Stay at so called 'new' place now, it's prolly the most horrid place I ever stayed. I wish Kai Wei is by my side now. But there is this National Service he has to serve! ):

Since last July till now, each day I am going through is something that I could not even explain now.

Starting work tomorrow, gotta sleep and fight for my future.

Till my mind are clearer.

God, take me, mould me, use me. I wish I am on your path now.

Blessed, And A Little Dopiness

2011-03-30T13:39:00.002+08:00

All right, just the recent Saturday, 26th Mar I think. We finally have time for our Voile and held our flea market at Woodlands Waterfront.

For those who doesn't know where is that, this is roughly how it looks like. People go there for fishing and kite flying too. Huge playground there of course.

Preparing the set up.

They busy removing original price tags. HAHS!

BUT! THE RESPONSE WAS PATHETIC. KNN. /: NO CROWD AT ALL LOR! EMO.

It's okay, we will be holding flea again 'HELP NIPPON CHARITY PROJECT " FLEA!' this Sunday, 3rd April, from 1pm to 8pm at Myra Beach Club, East Coast Park (1390 East Coast Parkway S468961). Do come and catch us and Voile Collections there. (: Help us spread the words please!

So yesterday, I went to sign my contract. Initially, I was pretty upset taking a pay cut of $200 on my basic salary despite the fact I was given transport allowance of $300.

The day before met up with Jiayi, Teresa and Eugene. And they suggested I ask more questions before I sign my contract. And after asking those questions and find out more, I was pretty impressed with the company.

My benefits (after confirmation):

- Handphone bill claim up to $120

- Start off with 16 days annual leave (if planning to stay for 5 years and above, 21 days)

- Block Annual Leave Policy (They make you take leave if you didn't take finish the year before)

- Birthday Leave (First time I hear this la!)

- Special Allowances (Rates for Saturdays to Sundays/Public Holidays, additional wages range from $50 - $150 per day)

- Meal allowance, $7 though.

- Healthy Lifestyle Benefit (Start from day 1 of Jan till end 31 Dec, no medical/hospitalization leave, unpaid leave or maternity leave, they give cash of $1,000)

- Special discounts for Far East Hotels/Serviced Apartments

- Alphabet School ABCD (This is, they give you a sum of money to travel to their selected list of recommended global cities and come back, submit a report about that country to share on your learning experience,.)

- Foreign Language Sponsorship (in full) plus you learn the language, they give you Foreign Language Proficiency Allowance for 12 months per level, from $30 - $250 per month as you level up.

My face changed when the guy continued.

Interviewer who was on leave the other time: "Why your face like that?"

Me: "Impressed. What birthday leave sia???"

Unfortunately, I will be working with a bunch of ex-crews from SQ and JAL, how fun huh? I wanted to get into SQ so badly, couldn't get in nevermind. But people around me are all from SQ, what the fuck?! /:

All right, that's about it. First day of work on April's Fool! (:

Oh, and I was only told I will get a uniform from them la, in time to come when they implement the new uniform. Okay, I was like what the fuck too but I got no choice. Standard working black and white attire kind of uniform lor. Never expect myself to be in 'uniform' again. /:

And also we have to declare if we receive gifts, he say we can keep the gifts but must declare to protect ourselves from being accused of bribery. Till now, I'm still question marked.

Life is Bullshit

2011-03-23T11:46:00.000+08:00

Despite of the shit, I feel like a better person now.

I admit I have been rather upset with whatever that has been happening since last July. But the amount of things I learnt, surpassed all that.

Give me time. That's all I need.

I Wish I'm Tougher Than This;

2011-03-20T23:24:00.001+08:00

but it seems like I need a crying shoulder almost all the time these days.

And I hate it.

No One Stops Me!

2011-03-17T19:39:00.000+08:00

I know, people will start the 'are you sure you are ready to get inked?' but take it that I'm insane. By year end I just want the pricks. Till I settle job and accomodation at least, stable a bit.

I'm gonna have two.
A statement and a safety pin!

Entry On My Overdues

2011-03-13T14:52:00.000+08:00

And so, only until today then I realised I have photos in my Omnia that I haven't upload to my computer. So here they are.

I shall start off with, somewhere in last December. I believe it was taken before Christmas and Kai Wei was not around with me just because he has to stay in. ): Jiayi, knows that I am alone at home, called me out for Doraemon Movie with little Jing Yee. (:

It's darn difficult to get the little girl to even take pictures lor. Don't know if she was really camera-shy or what.

We had a tough time trying to get Jing Yee take photo for us! /: The night end off early because Jiayi has work the next day.

By the way, ever seen a mini iPhone? My sister bought one from Hong Kong previously and recently I just found it in one of the boxes.

Aiya. It's those 'chiong' iPhone. Appearance once, just like iphone. But usage wise, the worse one ever.

Remember Esther got married last December too? The girls and I met up at Liat Tower Starbucks to plan the 'Gate-Crashing' games and also, to discuss that 'day's' itinerary.

We always get a lot of attention for 'over laughing out loud'. /:

Oh, have you people ever tried those instant packages from Muji? Surprisingly, it's really not bad. They even have a variety of pasta sauce for you to choose from as well. And the following, is the soup I tried. Not say really really fantastic, but great saviours when you are hungry at those odd hour when you are supposed to be sleeping. (:

But is not a lot, unlike Campbell all that. Theirs prolly just half of what you have from the Campbell can.

All thanks to all those 'out of the blue' arguments. I don't always get to see my dogs. I miss my Kikki and Bobo. ))):

The little botak man. (:

I love it when he take care of me. (: I'm too independent. Hehs.

Hopelessly Stupid Spammers

2011-03-12T13:22:00.002+08:00

I know this is going to be a random post. But it's just so annoying that all these years, all our mailboxes are being spammed by all those nonsense. And I am pretty 'impressed' by this one.

Oh yes. So I have a parcel that will 'arrice' within 7 'bussness' days?
THESE SPAMMERS SHOULD SO LEARN HOW TO S-P-E-L-L. (As if I will get conned to open those attachments?!)

And if you were to Wiki 'Email spammers', or click here; they actually collect our email addresses from the web and spamvertised whatever they have to offer. Wah, if they manually collected all our email addresses?! Then kudos to the time and effort man. Wikipedia like darn good, they have all the answers! It's as though it's a big project researched on every article and statistics all given.

Previously my email got 'hacked' too (I don't know how and why) and it began to send out email with unknown malicious URL to all my friends. Can you imagine I have been spamming emails to all my friends unknowingly?

Solution to that?
CHANGE YOUR PASSWORD!

What are words?

2011-03-09T00:52:00.002+08:00

You people should just watch this video.
It's awfully touching and the song is beautifully written.

It's about Chris Medina's financee who got into an accident before their marriage, but he had already proposed to her. Yet he stood by to take care of her still.

I love the part where it was,
"What kind of guy would I be, if I was to leave when you needed me the most."

I teared after I watched this numerous times by hitting the 'play' button over and over again.

Would you hold it against me?

2011-03-02T14:46:00.000+08:00

If I really idolize, I guess that would be Britney Spears.

Her life seemingly must have sucked to the world, but she's always up and back for more again. Shouldn't you people be impressed?

if i said my heart was beating loud
if we could escape the crowd somehow

What have you found?

2011-03-01T22:38:00.001+08:00

From what I can remember, I never used to enjoy being with my family. Rather, each time after Reunion Dinner during the Lunar New Year, I would hit the club. And everyone else has their own programme too.

Somehow, after Ginny sold the house. I miss being with them, even the times we had arguments.

And only after being 'homeless', I realised that's when everyone else start to make time for one another. How irony.

The following photos were taken during this Lunar New Year, we had steamboat somewhere at Tiong Bahru.

And lesser 'frictions', somehow.

My love and I.

Geoduck, I like.

Hope this family photo is already complete.

That's my love's porn star, baby makiyo. -.-

And I guess this was taken when he was still in BMT, charcoaled. He look like one young boy can. /:

Joyce and Eugene made me feel as though I'm a paparazzi! /:

If life was just all about mahjong.

I wish I could go back to 6 years old or before.
The time that I didn't have to worry about a single thing.
The time, that I didn't have to bother if I had remembered things or not.
The time, that I didn't have to take up responsibility for myself or anyone else.

Enough, Not?

2011-03-01T21:16:00.000+08:00

At times I wonder, what goes through the mind of many people.

Life is supposed to be aspired with inspirations.

What happened to mine?

The 'What Ifs' Topics

2011-02-28T01:07:00.000+08:00

There is this weird thing among the ladies, they enjoy thinking very much; and, love asking 'hypotheses' questions and list out all the possible variables.

And just earlier, I asked Kai Wei, if he have children, what would he name them. Obviously, he said that don't know and what about me.

I proudly announced my kids future names; my son would be named Tequila and my daughter, would be Bailey.

Kai Wei immediately got choked and rejected those names, he say the kids will be a laughing stock in future!

But not bad right?

Imagine my soon trying to hit up this girl in the club.
Imaginary Son: "Hi, My name is Tequila."
Babe: "What kind of tequila are you?" (Flirtatiously)

Wah. I think my son so gonna thank me lor.

And Bailey sound darn bimbo la. If those guys thought my future daughter is some bimbo and trying to hit her up?

I think these names are great.
My future kids are so going to be topic lor. Hahs.

Ready or Not?

2011-02-24T17:20:00.001+08:00

I know this is kind of random.
But I was just thinking to myself, the kind of relationships I had, the one I want and of course, the one I have now.

When you were young, everything was fresh and the kind of emotions you been through were once raving hot or hellish tormenting.
There was this period of time, that I totally gave 'relationship' up. Like no point getting into a relationship when eventually, you are going to get out of it.

Despite Kai Wei being younger than I am, somehow, he held on to our relationship stronger than I did. And at times, I do feel awkward about it. As in, why does he still have as much 'faith' in relationship or in love?

Now that we have been together for couple of months and long way to go in future, I come to realized that I have mellowed down a little. And begin to worry about what lies ahead. Because it's no longer just me alone.

It's with Kai Wei, as well as my parents.

A year later or so, he has to give up his Taiwan citizenship and officially be a Singapore Citizen.

That's when we have to worry, about his parents who are still staying at Taiwan and his sister who is still schooling in Singapore.

Back to where I started, my point is; as time passed, after knocking your head for umpteen times, finally your selection won't be as ridiculous as last time.

Remember when you were young, you prolly wanted someone who fits that long list of criteria you have set? (And that might include non-smoker?! Now, you might be a smoker yourself too!)
And then, you find someone who sweeps off your feet and that tingling feeling last for as long it did and you give up when you know this person shouldn't be worth wasting anymore time.

There are many kind of people out there, (1)continue to have faith in love and fall in love again and again for as many times they possibly could, (2)give up in love/relationship and have fun in life till they find some meaning again (more like myself), and (3)the ones who can never ever commit (due to over-heartbroken previously or, they never want to love at all) and when you try to make them marry you, they think you are trying to con them into one and then, they vanish.

Now, the kind of relationship I seek is rather simple now.

Someone diligent, someone who have me in his plan in future, someone who wants me to have a life he wants me to have.

I don't mind suffering now. At times I might crush, but I know one fine day, I will look back and say 'Hey, it's just another obstacle and I'm just facing something else of higher level now.' As long as in future, it's a better living. (:

For My Strings Attached

2011-02-12T17:30:00.001+08:00

Sadly, Valentine's Day falls on a weekday and my love has to be in camp of course. ):

Just a simple night with him for a few hours because after that, he has to return camp for guard duty! I know it's darn sian. But just too bad for us. I just have to be lonely on this Saturday.

Anyway, he was supposed to cook for me last night but I decided, maybe I will cook something else for him. Haven't cooked for a really long time and with my injured hand, I need his assistance. (:

It was already 10 pm by the time we started cooking, and we have to catch the No Strings Attached movie at 12.20 am. Pretty rush but, we made it in time though.

Here are some preparations. All right, I know. There are no greens. Maybe I should learn to cook some greens for him. (:

And because of my injured hand, I will need his help! To help me cut the meat, marinate them; er, and the washings! (I know he will not wash everything because after we are done, he will definitely dump everything in the basin and wait for the maid to wash. /: )

And so I do the cooking! (: Simple tasks for the mild handicapped. Grilling of beef steaks.

And so we are done within, tah-dahhhh, twenty minutes! For a single dish plus his breakfast for the next morning. (;

He insisted a pose with the final product. But actually, he helped to cook too. Hahs. ((;

Here's another meal for my love! <3

My xiao nan ren eat like a big boy.

And he finished every single bit! (I had my share of it too la!) Though my flu is recovering, but seriously, I can't really taste much.

By the time we finished movie, got home and wash up, was already 3 am odd. He was rushing already, so had to pack for him! That's my favourite chicken mayo! (; Okay, I will try to remember the greens in future.

Happy Valentines Day My Love! <3

All right, that's all for now. I have to get prepared to go mummy's place because there's a house-visiting to this couple who were their old time friends (my parents helped to couple to get together and ever since then, they remembered my parents, how sweet huh.)

Daily Reminder

2011-02-10T19:24:00.001+08:00

Oh man.
I just got an Tumblr account set up yesterday and I am so confused which one to be used as my main personal blog.

And of course, I guess I'm gonna stick with blogspot. It's been too lonnnnnnng. All my entries are here.

The others shall be for my leisure and networking purposes. (: Still unsure of what should I share on my Tumblr, here's the account anyway, http://vonkoh.tumblr.com, that will prolly be where my most random posts be kept. Don't know how to link it up to this personal blog though.

Haven't been able to find time to blog properly and I seem to have lost touch with where I left off. (Though my few posts previously were all a tad too emo.)

Guess this gonna be a long post too! (:

Not forgetting my daily reminder? I need to go down 8kg by the time my love finish his army!
I SWEAR I HAVE TO LOR!
(Felt kind of guilty of slacking for the past 4 days lying on bed due to my hand injury! Eat, sleep, play computer, eat, sleep, play computer... ....cycle goes on!)

Check out my bandaged hand! The reason why I am getting five days of MC this week!

Photos from last Christmas with my love at Sentosa. <3

My love became really tan huh. I want to be that tan tooooooo! ):

He lost much weight huh? /:

We went out really late and had no choice but to take-away MacDonalds, from Chinatown.

(Don't ask me why we went all the way there for Mackers, I seriously don't remember.)

Camera sucks. I want a new camera, a good camera that capture all my special moments with all my loved ones. (:

Too much Mackers; that's one of the reasons why he put on a bit of weight before he got enlisted. (:

Our quiet time. (;

But got disturbed by 'invaders'.

Can see that stupid worm? There were two of them; one got burnt to death and the other, got away.

My love still refuse to let them off la.

Thank you darling; within your means or not, always be there for me.

And the night ends off with a simple meal, with the moon and sand.

I forgot if its the same day or some other day that I bugged him for ice-cream after our movie;

he drove to and fro town and I finally decided to go to Changi Airport, Swesons, just for ice-cream.

By the time we got there, I was tired already la. (: Still, I will not give up ice-cream!

He had cookies summit, my all time favourite lor!

And this time I decide to have some Milo Explosion or something. It was fucking sweet please. Cannot take it. (;

Don't you all miss Voile? Give me some time, pictures gonna be up real soon!

This is a must eat please! The hooker-seaweeeeeeeeeed!

Took this shot last night. He was not supposed to come home but his sergeant granted him nights off because he told them the girlfriend is sick. (:

The Things We Should Be;

2011-01-27T01:25:00.001+08:00

thankful?

I thank my love for believing in me each time I wanna give up.
Despite my endless rantings, at the end of the day, he will try his very best to convince me that the rainbow is very near at the other end; if, I hold on.

I thank this person, who is always very willing to be there, with no complaints, whenever I am upset to rock bottom.

'I will be in His hands, if I allow Him to.'

Pieces

2011-01-26T00:27:00.002+08:00

Dear God,

Will you fix the broken pieces of my soul?

It's utterly messed up I think.

When will it all be over?

2011-01-25T23:41:00.001+08:00

I don't know how much longer can I hold on.

I'm losing faith.
And I'm afraid I might lose myself.
I feel all so fucked up.

God, I really need your works done.

It's Not The Saddest Thing,

2011-01-18T00:26:00.000+08:00

But it just hurts.

I don't know why.

It's horrid to stay here without Kai Wei.

It's awful when your parents doesn't understand a single shit.
And now all you feel is that they are just being selfish for the words they said.
Which you thought they could be the best comfort because they were the ones who gave you home.
It hurts to tear without any of your loved ones around.
It's sickening when the sister you hold dearly always fall out with you.
Leaving you no choice but no one to confide anymore.
And another one who keep it silent and expect me to know what to do.

What you all want from me?

New Year, New Self, New Resolutions

2011-01-05T06:12:00.000+08:00

Yup, I never believed in resolutions.

Oh wait, correction. I do believe in resolutions, but it's myself that I'm doubting.

Reason is simple; never determined or brave enough to fulfill those resolutions!

Year 2011, another year older.

After much considerations; here it goes.

1. Get my driving license

2. Shed 8kg

3. At least find three factories for Voile

4. Find a regular working hours job and at least work till next year

5. (Need to fill this in but still clueless.)

All these only, not asking for too much. Don't think I will have much stress la huh? (:

Still A Special Day

2011-01-05T02:07:00.000+08:00

It's our anniversary today and for the first time he is not around with me.

But it doesn't matter because I am so going to have him all my side for the whole of next week. (: Love it whenever he is just right next to me.

(Eileen used to tease us that we are like superglue. Hahs.)

Nobody gonna love me better.

HELLO 2011!

2011-01-04T11:30:00.008+08:00

It's 2011!

And I have been busy since last Friday!
(That is the last day of 2010!)

Friday - Had year end party with the cliques I usually spent good time with every year.

Saturday - Had a quick mahjong session with my ex-colleagues from Walton and in the night, went to Kai Wei's good friend, Regina's Birthday Party.

And only till yesterday then I managed to catch that 'enough' sleep. Despite being an unemployed, I am still very busy. Why so?!

Resolutions for the new year?

1. GET MY FUCKING DRIVING LICENSE

2. (Still thinking... ...)

All right. This driving license thing that I have been procrastinating is somehow getting on my nerves. Very very annoyed with myself that is to say.

Both my PDL and FTT, both expired on Dec 2009 and July 2010 respectively. And of course, finally kicked my lazy ass to renew the PDL and booked the test date for FTT again! That is, on 5th March 2011. (Our anniversary somemore.)

So, I shall keep myself focused a bit. (As long as the big distraction in my life doesn't poo, I guess things will more or less be fine.)

Haven't been blogging so, I will start off with my pictures update from Esther's Wedding day onwards! (;

Esther's Wedding falls on 18th December 2010; and so all of us gathered at her place (except for myself who reached there like 4.20am). And only to find out, the bride, the groom, the brothers and sisters all never sleep!

All of us have to get all the 'Gate crash' games prepared.

The special girls who made a difference in one another's lives.

Meet Miss Troublemaker Khoo (while she was still schooling) and guess what? She's a teacher now! (;

While Esther and her fianc'e were having their photoshoot at the Lower Seletar Reservoir (aka Yishun Pond). All of us became 'Xiao Chuis' please. (;

I left about 10.30am from Esther's place because Kai Wei came to pick me up. As soon as I got home, I got my make up removed and sleep till early evening to get prepared to attend her wedding dinner. And as for some of them, they did not even catch a wink.

Almost late for her Solemnisation, Thank God I got there in time. (:

All of us still have that 'shagged' face.

The St. Margaret's girls; all grown up!

My love and I. <3

With the infamous Kelly pose! (;

Meet Lili, the lady in purple! Wonder why I scored so well for my accounts even without much studying during Poly Year One? All thanks to her, gave us good foundation! (;

After dinner, all of us went back home, knocked out until the very next day! And all of us must have aged, because quite a number of us fell ill too. Useless sia.

Soon after there comes Christmas! Had an early Christmas dinner with the girls. Not all turned up though. But at least we kept this going. (:

Dinner at Ma Maison, at Bugis.

As usual, always camwhore with this 'siao bye'. (:

December 2010 is indeed a really busy month! And finally comes the day we have to send 2010 off and greet the new year together.

The yearly group pictures are always fun. And this year, Eugene bought some wigs back from Aussie! (: According to him, the wigs were really really cheap, not really that cheap, but at least at good price! Imagine you get in Singapore? It's going to cost at least $40 - $60 each.

Our party was held at Pan Pacific this year! The view from the room was awesome, except for the size of the room la, else everything's good.

The Black feathered mask I have, Eugene, Teresa and Jiayi chose it for me! And I love it! (:

Somehow, I love this photo because I like how I looked with the wig in this picture. But till now, I'm still hesitating if I should cut short hair. Imagine I give up my at least 45 cm long hair? /:

Lightsticks! It's like a must have every year to accessorize ourselves with!

The countdown together and of course, the not-to-be-missed fireworks! (;

It's spectacular isn't it?

Pop champagne and cheers for the brand new 2011! (:

The people who also enjoy gathering with us like that! (;

My two awesome friends! ((;

And my love joined us this year! Okay, I know it's kind of cheesy to have couple wear all. Wearing the same jersey already make me feel awkward.

All of us were gathered outside and all thanks to ANDREW HUO YI CONG aka BOBO!

Comment extracted from Facebook by Wei Lun.
Teo Wei Lun hahaha "i would like to thank andrew for giving us the opportunity to gather all of us in the balcony, without his sacrificial acts, this wouldnt be possible, really."
Sunday at 1:16pm · · 4 people Flag

(I'm one of them who like the comment! /: Stupid bobo.)

And we got five guys on twister! (: Normally it's only 4 la. They were really good.

Mini mahjong session!

And there we end the night with MacDonalds breakfast at Raffles City. Uber tired by the time I got home. Because I will need to wake up at 1pm to get ready for mahjong session with the ex-colleagues from Walton!

(Left to Right)
Jayce (She joined after I left, so never ever worked with her before), Mr. Chua (YY's boyfriend, no one ever knew what's his name la /: ), YY (That sampat bor who sampat with me in officer, miss working with her!), Meiyu (Our senior, the one I wanted to be under rather than the other loser that made my life like shit at work)

This couple darn dramatic right? Buai tahan the both of them la.

All right. That's all for now.

Now, waiting for my love's call. (:

His blocked leave next week! So I am going to have all of him again!

Hopeful 2010; not so much.

2010-12-31T18:11:00.002+08:00

As much as I hoped 2010 was a better year.

It turned out to be the worse year I ever had.

On a happier note, I had Kai Wei by my side.

It's finally the last day of 2010.

And right now, I am still wishing for things to be better.

For myself.

For my family.

For me and Kai Wei.

I need the strength to go on.

I hate to be a quitter.

I tried not to.

I don't want to fail again, others or myself anymore.

I Hate It When;

2010-12-23T01:31:00.003+08:00

People say I think too much.

Okay, this time, no one said that; but myself.

Most of my friends think I'm behaving too much like a man, yet right now, inside me is this feminine side trying to fight the senses out of my heart or mind.

Von, go to sleep and fight that brand new day and await for 2011 please. /:

Selfhood, on the Whole

2010-12-09T03:15:00.003+08:00

I wish I could hypnotise myself to be who I want to be.
/:

Fat hope.

Anyway, was drinking with Auntie Catherine (Kai Wei's Godmum) earlier. And spoke to Uncle Derek (Godmum's husband's cousin).

And he reminded me of the days that Kai Wei was still coming after me. And the moment those memories start flashing across my mind, it was really sweet. And I wonder what made this guy want to barge into my life?

Me: "But Kai Wei don't like to eat rice leh."
Uncle Derek: "When he young he eat a lot la."
Me: "But the first time I met him, he eat like woman like that."
Uncle Derek: "He want to 'sian' you what."

Thinking back, I thought that was quite amusing.

I'm missing those days that this silly little man hover around wherever I am. I get annoyed at times, but it was all okay for me. I walked away, he come after. I sat down and never utter a single word, he will just sit beside me and wait till I feel better. I throw tantrums, he let me do whatever I want.

Myself on the whole?

Am a bad girlfriend material.
Am a bad friend.
Am a bad daughter.

Meiyu was telling me YY and I are exactly the same, tough on the surface but deep down, we are those 'xiao nv ren'; there's a dainty lady in us.

So I asked Kai Wei am I like that;
he said 50/50,female chauvinist and dainty lady.
Guess at times he get a little confused huh?

I seem to have lost all the confidence I had before.
That die-hard attitude and never-say-die ambitious fighting spirit, they seem to have gone into hiding. Till now, am still wondering what's wrong. Seem to have become this insecure individual again?

How time flies, just two more months I'm turning a quarter of a century already. I always avoid celebrating my birthdays after the age of 21. It's pretty scary to see that number goes up and knowing that we can never turn back time.

Now God, may I know what you have for me?
I want to follow your plans, did I lose my way again?

Being very much in love with this love; and always missing him loads. Initially I thought, it will be a good test for the both of us. In addition to that, the tedious training gonna make him a better man (I hope).

As the misses get overloaded, I have to distract myself. As I distract myself, I get upset. By the time he talk to me in the nights, its the lifeless girlfriend he's speaking to. ): I get upset missing you darling. UNDERSTAND! /:

I can't wait for him to ORD, really. Only then that marks a new beginning for the both of us.

There was this day that I was surfing around Facebook and saw one of Jacilyn's posts; it's a video of 'A Letter from your Parents'. Undeniably, I teared while watching that video. I miss my parents. And then I wonder, when will things ever get better for us so that we can all stay under one roof again?

There was this other time, when Kai Wei just got enlisted and I was all emo-ing because of his absence. I met up with Mich and Matthew.

Me: "I think I am quite lucky when it comes to all the friends around me. My friends, those I kept, are all very sweet and nice."
Matthew: "Ya la. You so fucked up, why your friends all still stick around you ah?!"
Me: "Ya lor. You also one of them."

At that instant, I really felt blessed. Good friends are hard to come by, and I have my fair share.

God, make things better, I want a new start.
Get your plans start working in my life. (;

What's the Issues?

2010-12-07T23:17:00.003+08:00

I think I always got trust issues.
Never too trusting; either that, never want to know so much.

Hello! It's this same 'oooooooooooooold song again.
Okay Von, stop that brain going already.

Oh well, this song is still the best.

I need alcohol.

Zoukout come soon please! My only day to party hiong hiong since I have given up my regular days partying.

It's a Dutty Dutty Love

2010-12-07T00:48:00.002+08:00

My love had diarrhoea, so he had two days MC and booked in one day later.

Though I have him by my side for an additional day, not so good after all with him laosai-ing and feeling all awful inside. /:

And so I have returned him to SAF once again today, and he will be gone for another ten days (which means my love is also missing out on Zoukout this year!); prolly booking out on 17th December 2010. I'm happy that he will be in time for Esther's wedding. ((: But the whole of 18th December 2010 gotta be sister and help out with her wedding, so will be darn busy and not have much time for him this week again. ):

Was talking to love this afternoon and he mentioned something;

Love: "Remember the guy whom you saw, that one more big size and buff than me?"
Me: "Ya, why?"
Love: "He say you very fierce."
Me: "I haven't ever spoken to him leh."
Love: "That time they were standing one side waiting for me when you send me off. Then he say you look very fierce. Then Eugene teased him saying he so big size also scare?!"
Me: "Then what else they say?"
Love: "Like that only lor. Now you level up again; last time scold people, people scare. Now you don't have to say anything, people scare already."
Me: "SO 力害 AHHHHH?!"; "Oh, now I remember. That time they walked passed and saw me, but I just gave them one look never smile."

I think Kai Wei darn stress. (:
Can't wait for him to POP! It hasn't been one month and days are so hard to get by. /:

The night he booked out was the night we have Esther's Bachelorette Party, so never pick him up. ): But he came Sentosa to find me instead. I was all wet and cold la. Went to Yishun Block 925 for supper before heading home, because by then, it was already 2am-ish.

The following day, which is a Sunday, I went to find Meiyu and YY at my previous working place. Afterwhich, went Maxwell Market for very late dinner.

Meiyu was so sweet la. MSN-ed me to tell me she missed working with me and all my crap in office. But not sure if its on the good side la huh. I missed working with the both of them too. ):

If not for fucked up management, life would prolly still be peaceful?

My love act cute!

Reason why I decided to be with this guy?
Because he accepted me the way I am at my worst; and any good side of me was still a mystery to him, and prolly still is.

After our late dinner and got home, my love KO-ed for a few hours before heading to bath. Go party always want chop, now I chop him! (;

And for his previous book out, we went Marina Barrage.

My favourite Omnia was not with me, so the quality of the photo taken was so bad. ):

A bit of beer, with a little love.

Worked with Jina for a week, I don't know why. I just don't have the passion for the job. Jina took over the appointments I made and I decided not to waste time there, its very draggy. Now I, prolly understand, why previously she was job hopping while all of us were still in school. Somehow I don't feel the belonging I had when I was with AIA and Walton (though I hate this place to the core). I know you people must be thinking I'm being ridiculous, but no interest and forcing myself to do something, its even more fucked up than just being there. Sorry Jina.

By the way, Jina surprised me. Because she have become a changed person, and I am happy for her change. She is no longer like the old her, the impression was just different. She's really passionate about her job, which I have, (REALLY), never ever seen that side of her.

There was this day during lunch time, we went to her mother's shop to eat. And of course for you people, it's a must try la.

Every time Jina invite me to her place on casual days, I always reject her. When she say her mum is cooking, my attendance confirm there! Her mum's cooking is really good. I will never forget the stingray!

Doesn't the food look darn good? Now I'm feeling hungry again just by looking at the photos. Her laksa is also a must try? Not cloying at all. (:

I got additional ingredients. If you want to, please request from her, pay of course ah! (;

Jina used to help out at her mum's stall.

Where to for the good food?

It's at Holland Drive Market and Food Centre, #02-04. The fried pork chop also irresistible.

So, some sharing on the recent Saturday we celebrated Esther's Hens Night. The only pity was Esther 'high' too early already la. Jina hiong hiong give her drink, esther hiong hiong cannot take it ah?! /:

I was too hungry that I sat on the floor and eat la. But left with two pieces of chicken only. ):

Phototaking session starts not long after Li Ping and I reached.
Jina took this photo;
Jina: "Xi Gua Tian Bu Tian."
ALL: "TIANNNNNN!"
(And check out Abbey's expression?! (((: )

We share a weird friendship. I guess many times we always think and say one another fucked up; but I guess, its the flaws of one another, that made that whole lot of difference.

My two top-notched gossip girls. (;

While on the way heading to Cafe Delmar. Wanted to go Wavehouse but the crowd was pathetic.

The other group were having their own hens night as well. So I got them to join us! (;

It was really nice when all of us hung out like that; just like the good'ooooo'days. It's been a really long time.

Esther's mission for the night was of course easy, to sell off the condoms. But misson failed, she was too 'seh' already la! /: Sold one though, so not so bad after all. (:

Now, we are all anticipating her wedding day to come - we are all going to be her sisters. And Jina have thought of this crash gate game which I thought it was a very good idea! But the groom will be picking his bride at 5.00am, so how noisy can we get? /:

Wait till my love is out next week, he gotta hunt for his outfit for Esther's wedding. (:
I think he quite cham, we together for couple of months only, already he attending second wedding with me. Hahs.

I think it was just last month end that Abbey told me there will be this China Sourcing Fair going on at the Convention Centre. And so I went, on the last day though, thought it was be very packed. But hell no, it was machiam some ghost town, some booths were even empty lor!

Honestly speaking, not much deals for me. /:

The girl kept asking me for namecard, they made it such a big event yet there were not many people inside. Failed siooooool!

Esther's Bachelorette Party checked.
Coming right up, its ZOUKOUT 2010! ((((:

Okay, I know its darn saddening that my love can't go with me.
But darling I promise I will be good, behave myself, not get drunk - and of course, party on your behalf! ((:

Shortlived -

2010-12-04T03:55:00.002+08:00

Happiness, are always shortlived.

My love is out tomorrow!
But he is leaving me for another twelve days on Sunday evening. ):

But I am happier whenever he is by my side. (:

Just went out with Ginny, Bernard and Vincent for some drinks.
Vincent first one down la!
Bernard also unstable.
It was only about 11pm then. Si bei jia lat.
Steven joined later.
Then 'ba gu teh' at Outram Park Ya Hua Rou Gu Cha - uber good la.

I enjoy talking to my love while he is not by my side.
Because I love to 'spite' him with my own ways. (;

I miss my little man. (((;

The Life I Want

2010-12-02T00:06:00.005+08:00

Very good, I forgot what time I took my medicine because medication was two tablets every four hours. /: Now I'm thinking if I should just take them and head to bed. Von, you seriously have got a rusty brain.

Was chatting with Jiayi on MSN and seems like life is seriously torturing for almost every one else. I wonder how those who managed manage to do whatever they did?

There are many times I want to return church, (I'm always running away from Him), to get back the belief I had with God and life. Because those were the times I managed my life the best? (I think.) Why did I stray away and allow my life and other circumstances to eat me up? And now, I am lost and aimless with life. I have lost my goals in life; lost all motivation. Even my problems doesn't motivate me to move another step further.

Esther's wedding is approaching soon. And she invited Lili to her wedding. In fact, I do miss Lili. When we were still preparing for our 'N' and 'O' Levels, she really helped us a lot, not just in studies but taught us about God and life.

I strayed and failed in life; almost quit school while in poly.
And there was this night I really couldn't take whatever that's happening in my life, I went to Lili's place and find her. I don't know why I did that. I still remember she mentioned one thing, "Girl, for the past two and a half years you have messed up your life. You don't expect God to clear your mess overnight. Remember the cross, put Him at the center and every thing will fall in place."

I forgotten what else she said. After that night, I picked myself up and continue with my life, finished school and obtained that diploma certification.

Soon after that, I screwed my life once again; work at pubs and what's not?

I really have a lot of things I want to resolve now. But I don't know what's the direction I am heading to. I don't know what I want to do now.

God, take me back will you?

Love in army. It will be a year and ten months. Everything seem so far away and out of reach.

I hate being an emo fuck. And this has been going on for years. If this continue, I will seriously suffer from real depression.

The mental and body is weak. Weak like fuck.
Or rather, I don't know what to do to help myself.

Happily in love only also like that, I wanna be happily in love with life too.

To Appreciate Good from Bad

2010-12-01T17:40:00.004+08:00

No more long hours ride on TransIsland buses, their buses are just like some fucking freezer. Down with fever wasn't that bad, the only thing I wished was my love could be by my side to take care of me. ):

Each time I hear this song, I miss my love real bad. Those were the time he simply care nothing but just hang around me and be there for me whenever I needed someone. ):

Now, I need to get used to taking care of myself again.

Von, Please Focus

2010-12-01T00:23:00.002+08:00

Surprisingly I have been able to wake up at 7.00 am on my own for the past two days (like what I said, just two days). I never did able to do that when I was still staying with my parents nor when Kai Wei was still around.
Not sure how long is this going last, but I will try.

It's another wave of emo hit; not as bad as the first time. But feeling really uncomfortable. Don't know why am I feeling this way again.

I need to focus on my job;
I need to get the money,
I need to get my driving license!

So I can move on.
Von, stop wallowing in whatever self-pity that is.

Guess I really can't live alone.
I really feel like drinking.
But I don't wanna go party behind his back too; because he's outfield. How to inform him?! ):

Where's My Love?!

2010-11-30T01:10:00.007+08:00

Okay, just missing him thats all.

He is sleeping somewhere in the jungle in Pulau Tekong and prolly half of his body buried with mud. /:

First day of work at Jina's workplace.
It's kind of relax today and totally different from the company I was supposed to be working with. That one was total mirco-management; over. Worse than W-Company.

And of course it's just for the start, Jina was patient with me while I'm learning the ropes. (: I found another good point of her after so long!

So called knocked off at 6.00pm and went home straight after that.
Wanted to play my Wii Fit after resting but who knows, I nua-ed till 11pm; surfed the net and phonecalls came in till then. Played till 12.30am and now, I'm still not tired. Was physically tired when I got home due to lack of sleep last night, now; I'm still wide awake, especially that darn brain. It just refuse to shut for the next six hours at least? /:

No, I don't want to rely on alcohol to fall asleep already. ):

And this song has been very much a favourite.
"I couldn't live a day without you (girl?)" Hahs.

Sighs,still missing him bad and hate to sleep alone in this room. ):

Maybe when the sergeant called me the other time to remind me about writing a letter, I should have wrote another pathetic letter, include the following and send to them, "Please return me my boyfriend."

Be My Diamond Ace

2010-11-29T00:54:00.002+08:00

Oh well, the next five days without my love nevermind; no phonecalls too.

Initially I thought, 'NS taking him away for another five days.", prolly some correction, "I'm returning him to NS." He's officially property of NS since he got enlisted. /: I've got no say.

And yesterday, we met up with Jon so that my love could get his Blackberry's camera removed.

For once I think Jon is not so stupid after all.

My recruit machiam look like 'kiao tor' ah? (;

Just like a Diamond Ace;
don't have to be the best, but still the best it is.

And today he booked in again. Si bei sian, but I'm slowly getting used to it. ?:

He look darn different la huh?
I call him 'Recruit!', he gave me warning. Nia eh.

I know the room is darn messy but I have tried my best to keep it neat already la. Sorry love, you prolly hate me for posting this. But I feel like showing people the scenes. (;

What, Doubt What?

2010-11-24T22:06:00.003+08:00

Honestly speaking, let's just say we managed to get through these one year ten months army thing.

What makes you so sure that this guy will not cheat on you in future?
What makes you so sure that this relationship really gonna last?

I don't know why I'm like that.
But suddenly I'm fucking sick of this whole army thing.

I know this guy had proven his worth. I know he have always been at his best to give me things he wants me to have within his limits.

The army in control of when then can I see him, when then can we talk, when are we not supposed to see one another.

Fuck NS, very much.
Thanks for distancing both of us.

Positive is Very Positive

2010-11-24T02:23:00.005+08:00

Today I went for the job interview with Jina's company, which means, the both of us are gonna be colleagues. Don't know if its a good thing or not. Obviously I will be worrying about the conflicts that are gonna arise in future, be it good or bad, no matter how strong a friendship; let job related not bring us down.

And guess what?
When I got to the building, Petrol Centre; I heard fire alarm!
I walked to the security guard, he asked where am I going and I replied sixth floor. Guess what he replied me: "Now fire drill, elevator not working, everybody come down already. You have to walk to sixth floor."

Na bei. Not right leh. Everybody evacuate, I walk all the way up kum lan?
So there it is, for the first time I went for job interview, when they are having fire drill.

Hope Jina and I will work hard together for more comms! (;

And so, back to my over-blogged topic; hahs.

My love's sergeant called this evening to remind me to write a letter for him as soon as possible as he is going for field camp the coming week. When I got home, I hurry find the envelope that was given on his enlistment day and in the note given by them, write a short letter. So, I have to cram whatever thoughts I have for him into that few paragraphs.

I have already blurred the words, so nobody can read my content and just in case my love view my blog he can't read this until his field camp! (; Is it too short? I had a lot in mind, but not as though he will have time to read for as much as I am able to write eh? /:

Was looking through the messages we sent to one another since the day he got enlisted; and there are actually times; knowing that his phone will be shut and wouldn't have the time to read them, I will still text him; just because I want to.

This whole 'army gaga' for him have changed me too huh?

Oh, not forgetting why was my post 'Positive is Very Positive'.

The job interview today was with the boss' good friend, who is running another business of his own. Even though I know throughout the whole conversation he had with me, he is prolly bullshitting at least 65% of it. But his words were very encouraging, no wonder Jina was so motivated when she first started work and I thought that was really very important.

With positive words, it move people in positive ways. And I like it. I will learn to, er, speak positively more. (;

Goodnight world, three more days to seeing my love and I am so going to pack this room by Thursday so that he can rest comfortably in his room that I previously messed up. (;

Live for the Present

2010-11-22T21:32:00.004+08:00

Another four days before I'm able to see my love.

He was outfield for training, hence not able to call me for the whole of today. And the feeling to wait, is pretty horrible. But I was that bit calm today, finally get myself moving and start packing the room. And I'm quite sure that I am not very sure of what I am doing. That's how bad it is. Jina say it's because I have been too free! I think so too.

Was talking to her through Skype; random asked:
Me: "Do you think I'm going to or suffering from depression now ah?"
Jina: *Not even one second.* "YES!"
Me: /:

There were times I felt as though it was like some payback time. I can vaguely remember how nasty I was towards him. Human beings are configured in a way that we only remember the bad things, and people have to constantly remind us the good deeds these people have done.

For the tears and sweat he been through; somehow, for these coming one year and ten months, I have to learn, for whatever lessons that is coming my way.

And the good thing about him?
He never blamed or find fault with whatever I did before. He knew my past, he didn't judge it.(For now?)

We are together for nearly four months only, I felt as though we have been together for even more than that la! (; The thought of like 'so fast?' or 'just four months' didn't come to my mind till I'm thinking how to continue with the paragraph, all I know is I prolly have been over-tweeting/blogging about him. Hahs! ((; Pardon me la huh. Women get a little obsessive for a while (I'm not all so manly after all).

I know you people prolly have seen all the photos that were jumbled up above (these are the only photos I have for the both of us in my iphone for now lor). But you see, we are supposed to be in honeymoon period still, and there the army have to summoned him in for military honeymoon period. So I foresee the both of us will have some army prints and still some botak head photos.

I don't need my guy to be the best or impress others; have always been looking for someone whom I can be proud of, but I was never proud of them to even bring them to meet my girls. Boy, you make me feel proud of you now.

Why the title 'Live for the Present'?

Jina randomly called me on MSN and then we moved to Skype for better 'reception'. Talked about her Daniel, talked about Kai Wei, talked about tomorrow's interview. And I don't know how it get linked up to Friendster - Daniel - Kai Wei - Jina - My own account.

This woman, never ever fail, to get me feel all mawkish. For that moment, when I was looking through all the photos. It's the same old feeling, that same old topic is coming back again. That 'Fucked up, I wasted another year/'x' of years, yet again!' Each time that hit me, is always through my conversation with this crazy bitch. I wasted my life emoing over too much stuff already. Always want to stand up, yet I sink in deeper to another then another.

And after that quick conversation, I was quite motivated again. (:
I thought I was all hopeless about life, really; and that was just couple of hours before we spoke.

This is the photo she tagged me on Facebook that she placed on her bedside after some revamp in her room. I thought that was really sweet.

At times I question our friendship, we fucked one another up so badly, bitch about one another, bickered and so on. She may not be the best person I ever met on Earth, but, she just have this thing in her that draws my sensitivity. The nights that we partied were epic already la. And just don't know why, even if I am pissed off, it will never be for long. And I think we are the most childish friends ever la, look at how we behaved for the past decade! Imagine given another ten years we still behave the same way.

People, jot this down, if we still behave that way; SLAP US PLEASE! /:

I really want something for a change for the next two years and already making some plans. But first, I need to get my fucking driving licence. I hate manual, can I please give up?!

Two years later Japan with Love and Jiayi and friends, so it's save up time! (Sorry if I rejected some travel plans, unless all my stocks get sold if not more travel plans cannot be done! ): )

Please spread the word hunnies, Voile Collections at http://voilecollections.wordpress.com/!

I never believed in resolutions because non of them ever been realised since young. Perhaps its time to get a little pragmatic and set something achievable huh? Till my list is done.

Never Say Never

2010-11-22T02:04:00.008+08:00

Five more days to tahan before seeing love.

And he was only away for four days. ):
I can't imagine what am I gonna do when he go field camp. Weakling sia. /:

This afternoon he called to say he hurt his back. But he say he will just have to go through it no matter what; if not, he will have to retake with the next batch. ))):

Was browsing through all the photos I have in my Omnia's album, because that's the phone I will bring with me all the time when partying, to take photos! And I realised, the both of us hardly have photos taken even before we got together. I was quite an asshole last time huh. And now I feel that the both of us missed out a lot. If not for Jina, we wouldn't even have the chance to take photos together. (:

This was our first photo taken together, taken somewhere end of December 2009 I think. I was at Butterfact and forgotten why he came down. And I think he just knocked off only, never go in; just outside a while then must be went off to meet other xiao maos! /:

I still remember before this photo was taken;
Jina: "Kiss her okay, one each side."
Kai Wei: "Don't want la." *Shook his head vigorously.*
Jina: "She won't whack you one. I protect you!" (Grab his head...)

Jina has been part of my good memories as well, all these years.

His silly glee; till today I don't recall why was the photo taken like that.

Somehow, one of my favourite photo.

This was taken on the night of Desmond's birthday. Don't know why I went down with Brenda instead of with him. /:

Thanks for holding on despite how fucked up and wilful I was.

At that point of time I still think he 'siao', think I more 'siao' with Jina. Hahs. (;

There are things that I no longer remember about us, I regret not paying much attention to details about us, but I want to hold on to these memories with him as we walk a little further each time.

Please remind me about us there and then.

Half cup full, or empty?

2010-11-20T15:11:00.002+08:00

So what's your take?
The half cup full, or empty?

i want a colourful life.

There's one in this world for everyone
One heart
One soul to walk beside you
One in this life to share your love
One touch
To touch the heart inside you
Wanna reach for each night
Wanna trust with your life

Blank Mind

2010-11-19T02:55:00.003+08:00

Okay, I am pretty stressed up now because I seriously need to get a job now. Like almost immediate. But I am still having some career crisis. What should I do huh?

A friend of mine kept saying the best is I go be a door bitch. What the?!

Love has been calling me as long as he has free time, but the thing I'm most worried of is the battery couldn't last for the next 8 days?! Then I will be lagi more emo lor. /:

Spoke to Kelly and Abbey earlier and they did talk to me about the down pes thing. And when Kai Wei called me, I told him to decide for himself if he really want to go for OCS or some other positions. But I will not forget what Matthew say, the father so high rank in airforce also teach him how to down pes, so... ... yup.

Me: "It's your future,. I don't want to be a hindrance too, just go try for OCS if you really want lor. Career is then your future"
Love: "You are my future what. We will see how after these two months all right?"

I thought that was really sweet. But, there are always a 'but' there.

Sighs, missing someone simply can kill. Miss having him sleeping beside me, ocassionally snores and never fail to shake his legs (I hate that habit lor, and how irony that I'm missing it now) while lying comfortably on bed. Miss having him to cook for me whenever I say I'm hungry. Miss having him to finish all the food that I can't finish and push to him. Miss having him staring at the monitor screen while watching his favourite drama series as though his soul just got sucked in. Miss it when he teaches me how to throw my fists correctly and kick forcefully.

That asshole. Make me miss him so much. ?:

Annoying

2010-11-18T15:47:00.002+08:00

Have been staying over at Ginny's place since Monday because I will need to take care of the two dogs while they are on honeymoon.

While I was feeling emo about the whole not being able to stay with family, my mum have successfully removed that thought. Trust me, she never fail to irritate the hell out of people. And I do dislike her very much, she have reignited what I hated.

And I think she will die if she ever stop talking or gossiping about others' businesses.

She say I don't have manners.
Why can't she do something about herself?

I was staying here so fucking peaceful, though emo.
But I rather that way, now she came over and agitate the fuck out of me all over again. She seriously have understanding issues.

Family members stood by one another to go through trials and obstacles, my mother can't wait to see you fall just to prove that she's so fucking right about it.

Kai We just called me not long ago for a short while, and she commented; "must you all be so sticky, he will come out on every weekend what."
Me: "Thank God you don't have sons, if not I think you will cry everyday."
Mum: "Siao ah. For what. Five days not like won't come back."
Me: *SHUT UP* (Pointless to talk to empty vessel.)

I thought I could stay here in peace. Guess I am moving back Yishun soon. Being lonely is better than staying with her.

As of now, I am obsessed with this song.

Abilities, with its Limitations.

2010-11-17T23:36:00.003+08:00

It's another nine days without the love. ))):

Okay, time for new job hunt. /:

Story?
Long story.

Emo Fit

2010-11-16T02:28:00.004+08:00

Ginny and Steven have reconciled, so they gone for their short honeymoon trip. But only to Phuket, because there are still a lot of things for them to settle when they are back.

Despite being plagued by the 'fucked up' event that happened to that both; as long as Ginny is happy, I will be happy for her.

Since the day Kai Wei got enlisted, I hasn't been myself. And before I start work, I will always go out till morning and I actually slept my whole weekend away.

The whole 'move out of Tampines' has been shit I guess. I miss living with my family members, with my nerves-whacking mother, fucking quiet father who only drink when he gets home and let me irritate him whenever I walk past their room, ever-angsty ginny who scold me at every single thing just because she is unhappy, and trying-to-be-funny eileen who comes home every weekend just to take her letters and spend some time with the family. And not forgetting my beloved Kikki and Bobo, love how they sleep beside me every night.

I may complain a lot about home, because its an everyday thing. And complaining doesn't mean I hate it. There's freedom to finding an outlet of utterance. /:

One of the unfortunate things that could happen to anyone is probably losing a home - I always loved home cooked food and having your loved ones around you is the best pillar in life already.

And when Ginny sold the house at Tampines, I can't get used to staying with relatives at Sembawang. Hence, moved in with Kai Wei.

With whatever that happened before the both of us got together, I really appreciate whatever he did to me. He disregard my wilfulness and gave in to almost every single demanding requests; seriously, what more can I ask for?

And with all the above mentioned lost, this love stood by me. Okay, I miss him real bad.

Still considering if I should move to Sembawang with parents for these two months till his POP. /:

Not So Strong After All

2010-11-15T01:14:00.001+08:00

I miss my love. ):

Eileen called;

Eileen: "Where are you?"
Me: "Home lor."
Eileen: "Kai Wei leh?"
Me: "Knn. Why ask the obvious? He's thinking of down pes, don't know if he should."
Eileen: "Why?"
Me: "He say so that he will have more time for me. Officer will have overseas training and all."
Eileen: "One have to go army, the other have to work. The both of you got the rest of your life to spend a lot of time together. Don't be er xin."
Me: *Speechless.

The Reason

2010-11-14T07:33:00.002+08:00

i spent time waiting;
always hesitating you.
i was so lost inside my shell.

as we stand together,
i cant promise forever.

its all and now; with you.

Recruit Fall In

2010-11-11T23:23:00.004+08:00

This is it that I never thought I would experience again;
my love got enlisted today. So I am in his room alone when I got home this afternoon. To be honest, it was quite upsetting when I stepped into his room. No more love to sleep beside me. ):

I feel like some emo fuck now all right, which; I don't even expect myself to behave this way.

If only I am still staying at Tampines, I will have my parents at home, with Kikki and Bobo beside me when I need a living object right beside me, look at me silently with innocent look. His baby like only know how to sleep. /: Wonder if she miss him as much as I do.

On a lighter note, my love booking out on Tuesday night because the following day is Hari Raya.
And Crystal can still tell me: "你也有今天?" /: (Lagi more emo, not helping at all ah.)

Okay, skip his 'absence' part. ):

Back to the day Kai Wei first got his license, he drove me around the island already.

His father taught him driving back in Taiwan when he was 15. And him on the road, does not behave like a P-Plater.

And our first stop was to satisfy my vanilla milk tea crave. (;

Next, we head down to tampines, wanted to have my favourite curry chicken cutlet rice. But that darn shop is closed on the 9th and 10th. Darn emo! After which, both of us went East Coast Park for Carls Jr. /:

And yesterday, we went to settle some final bits that he have to get done. Met up with Jina and his sister, Tsai Ting for dinner as well.

Before dinner, he bade goodbye to his precious hair. (Somehow I am pretty glad those strands were gone, because most of his time getting ready to go out was, styling his hair! /: With him styling his hair ah, can fight with the time I required to put on make up lor!)

Wonder what was on his mind when its his turn soon, his face darn reluctant la.

We were at Jurong Point by the way, went to this 'la mien' place to eat. The food were not bad, but Kai Wei had to help finish half of his sister's portion and a bit of mine, he was stuffed! And Jina that act cute thing. /:

Next stop to BenTen for ice-cream. Delicious!

Love then send Jina home and she brought Muffin down, muffin is still as cute and 'hum ji' one la. Don't know why the fuck is she trembling. (有其母劈有其女sia.)

And today, sent him to Pulau Tekong sia. Si bei sian. ):

But I think he more sian. But then ah, while he is physically fit inside, I'm like having some emotional warfare at home.

Went home to catch up on my sleep after Tekong, woke up about 6plus. And I think my friends were darn sweet. Crystal called to talk to me. Met up with Kim and Jina for dinner. At least my night not as lonely huh.

Sometimes, we just have to keep an open mind to give people the benefit of doubts. Instead of insisting some 'unconfirmeds' as facts. Open mind please.

When Journey Is Taking It's Turn

2010-11-10T00:37:00.004+08:00

Truth to be told, I have changed my 'phrases' many times just to start off this paragraph. Need to sort out the running thoughts in order. /:

And two good news of the day, my love passed his driving and I passed my Adwords Certification and so, I can finally start work with the new company that I will be working for.

Love passed his driving with first attempt. And me? I need to retake my advanced theory test again. Fucked up leh. For the past three years, I've been learning driving like 3 months per year, booked TP also never go.

After he came home and told me he passed his driving, and of course I feel happy for him. (:

On the other hand, I recalled many things. And I envy how self-motivating he is, because that's something that I am lacking.

Its sad that I allowed someone else to control my life and followed something I thought was 'love' blindly. Had my life kind of messed up since then; and led my life as though everything was fine, only know how to put on that strong front. And only to know, I have done nothing; nothing constructive to ameliorate my life.

Somehow, I am thankful to have met Kai Wei (at times I feel that its his misfortune to have met me?). No, its not speech that came from those 'truly madly deeply lovey' mood. Everybody knows how faithless I am towards relationships. But this person, did all that he could (I feel), for me. I don't know how to explain, but I was truly touched, by those nitties gritties.

I think I really need a change; to my life and myself. I need to do some fine tunings. All along, I hate the things/people I hated, and always want to live better or happier than they did (I swear those were thoughts that first came to my mind last time). Time start to push me further and further away from where it hurts and I thought it was all over. But, I doubt I ever did pick myself up.

Anybody still remember how carefree and unruffled I was? I do, because last time I don't give a hoot! I know I have been stuck with this topic for many years. Strange enough, only now am I able to blog it out again. I became such a listless and pessimistic person without realising it. That was how bad it is.

Really am trying to walk out of the past. Happier now, I can feel that I am moving forward, one step also counted. It not just words, I feel the change, and towards the better. And my love has a part in it. (:

In fact, its how he led his life motivates me too. He does not have those perfect life, but he works hard for it. And the things he done for me, I feel that he's filling bit and bits of pieces in me.

Nevertheless, thanks love for taking in all my shit (till now he still think I am his 'challenge'! /: ). But nevermind, I do look forward to the better days ahead of us. (Despite the fact that I make you 'soompa, gua ji gua lam pa' like all the time. And people who read this will prolly get a shock because I am writing things like that. (; )

All right, lets move on to next topic!

This is what I have been busy with. Not an advanced certification somemore, its just Google Advertising Fundamentals! I almost went nuts doing all the reading from the Learning Centre. Because all the terms used were all too alien for me!

Here it is, my results for my second attempt. 94% (120 questions x 94%), thats like 112.8 questions correct. I swear I was having cold sweat while taking this exam. My second attempt cost me USD50.00, if I had passed the first time, I wouldn't need to waste such money. ):

Next coming up;
Love organised a steamboat at his place and invited his close friends over just the recent Saturday, because he's going to be a 'chao recruit' like 11th November 2010? ): Now I need to learn to be independent? Sians!

Grocery shopping before the day we had the BBQ, we had MacDonalds because, Monopoly Deals! What have you won?! He wants 'Orchard Road' really bad. And did I not mention Eileen commented that he put on weight? He stress sia; but because he going army, totally don't care about pumping anymore.

He taught me how to choose fresh prawns, even if it's not fresh, at least choose the acceptable ones. (;

We got the food and drinks from a couple of supermarkets - Sheng Siong, NTUC and Cold Storage. (;

People who came that night.

The one at the center is Kai Wei's guardian, also his godmum who have been taking care of him since he came to Singapore since young.

Jina thing jina thing. (;

MAHJONNNNGGGGG! Anyone anything soon?! PLEASE?!!

And I realised the both of us rarely take photos together, don't know why, but I think we look weird. /:

The one who digged his own grave, er, being with me? (;

Recently we brought his lazy baby down for a walk (ONLY HALVED OR LESS THE JOURNEY MY BOBO WALKED THE LAST TIME!), he need to 'push' her to walk further. /: Si bei jia lat.

The dog was too tired to move, take a short break.

/:

All right, this post is too lengthy and I am not sure if I made any sense. Anyhoo, the previous night was spent studying till 8am and my brain is going wonky. Time to bath and sleep! Nights people. (;

An OMG Fact from Twitter

2010-11-06T13:07:00.003+08:00

Followed @OMGFacts in Twitter and while scrolling through the tweets of people I follow; they gave an instruction to log on to Google map, click 'Get Directions' from China to Taiwan, and look for instruction no. 55.

Swim across the Pacific Ocean?

How cute is that. (;

Demoralising

2010-11-04T23:09:00.003+08:00

120 questions in two hours,that is,120 minutes.
no mock exam questions to practice.
confidence level darn low despite studying for two weeks.
i will need 85% to pass. yet,i only scored 75%.

its very disappointing.
wanted to pass this exam once and for all so i can carry on with my plans for the next few days before i start work and his enlistment.
seems like my tomorrow is ruined as well.

November is a Dread

2010-11-01T23:26:00.003+08:00

my love enlisting this 11th november. a bit sians,why am i
going through this?! but i know hes worth it! (;

left with ten more days and im going to be a lonely woman
like jina. /:
thank god i still have this bitch,someone to bicker with,
ocassionally i can kao pei her too. (;

morning i woke up with my texas chicken breakfast from long john silvers!
havent had this since i stopped swimming with teresa on our ritual saturdays.

dont you people miss the walking apple? (;

and esther is going to be the first among us to walk down the aisle with
her man. watch out for more details because her hens night coming and
on the,4th december!

december is so going to be a real hectic one.

Baluku, Well Deserved.

2010-10-29T21:10:00.002+08:00

insisted love to teach me some taekwando combat moves;
guess what, the last move while he was trying to test my
agility,i made the wrong move and his elbow hit on the my forehead.

can see the blueblack? ):
ive been abused.

A Good Apology

2010-10-29T16:48:00.002+08:00

When a person is sincere about an apology; it has three parts.

I: "I am sorry."
II: "It's my fault."
III: "How do I make it right?"

That's an apology. Not, "but you/that person also... ...".

_!_

A Gift from Love

2010-10-26T01:16:00.001+08:00

he came home with a glee and hand me this.

thanks love,i love your gift. (;

she say, i say, you say, they say;

2010-10-25T17:13:00.006+08:00

so now,what did you say?

im still very excited about the coming zoukout! (;

some photos sharing! ((;

us at eileen and alan's place. went to play mahjong with eileen
to satisfy her mahjong crave attack. (; 10cents one tai, 20cents
two tai,etc. uber big sia.

love bought new wii controller in black. we are looking for red colour too.
if you do know anywhere thats selling, please please inform me!

waiting for my modified wii to be home! then download lots of wii games.
im so turning into a "仔女" la. and if love download NBA wii game,my wii
gonna be his new girlfriend soon. /:

vanilla milk tea i like! (;

since im at ang mo kio, got jiayi out to waste some time.
check out her face,classic not? (;

my hair still very dark huh. emo, got to wait for a few washes more
before i can do another hairdying. ):

now,i have my childhood favourite crackers to accompany me. (;

In Love with the Same, Over and Over Again

2010-10-24T15:35:00.003+08:00

the title was something i retweeted and i thought that was
something that really kept each of us going in almost anything.

if you do love your job,your fire keeps on going.
at times you get tired,but you kept holding on to it.
if you do love your lover,your passion keeps on burning.
at times you get sick,but you knew those moments will soon be over.
if you do love the unmentioned,you will 'never say die'.

weekend plans cancelled.

for some reason,ginny and steven had a really huge argument
and now eileen and i are pretty lost as to how to help the both of them.
parents doesnt know about it of course,but its a sooner or later thing.

i witness how both truly love one another,but smoothing rough patches;
never a forte for the both of them.
somehow,its a little upsetting.

i remember there was this once,i was drinking with the ex-colleagues
from AIA. you know guys being guys,money and women are hit check
list. i asked them why did they get married;
one said because of obligations,this woman had given him all her youth.
second one said,"there are so many pretty women around,but to find
one thats like a heaven-match,its not easy. whats more for someone who
is able to understand and give in to you." (for one moment,i thought this
woman must have supported you monetary in one way or another.)

but i cant deny finding the one is not easy.
the good deeds from that person,could have been the reason to hold on.

im no love guru. but all these got my thoughts running again.

foodoku

2010-10-21T01:42:00.006+08:00

im always tweeting about waiting for kai wei to be home to
cook for me.

the one has been cooking my meals almost everyday for the past couple of months.

thats his baby,name makiyo (dont ask me why,i know it sounded like some pornstar!). its so CJ7 lookalike.

and tah-dahhh,my dinner tonight. its my favourite dish and i always bugged him for it!(Rated:4/5 chillis) fried linguine with my choice of meat.

more updates for this weekend.
and by tomorrow,i must get more things done before i start
work officially. (;

O is for the Only One I See

2010-10-20T18:13:00.004+08:00

decide to make it an open blog again.
somehow,i dont see why should i still keep in private.

so,here it is! (;

i know ginny's wedding like over a week already. nevertheless,
the happiest thing to happen for this year (excluding that bitch's
fanatically nonsense!)

the funniest part was steven was downstairs waiting for sean
to kick his door so he can get out of the car.
because i was too busy to entertain me,i keep brushing his calls
off and ignore what he say until he called daddy or mummy.

make sure everythings ready before we even open the door.

first thing steven see us,give us ang pows first!

mummy and daddy helping ginny to cover the veil.

no sabotage or games. steven just had to recite his mushy message he text
ginny the night before.

we allowed him in to see his bride.

sending ginny and steven back to his place.

the brothers and sisters of theirs.

wedding held at post bar,the fullerton hotel. where they will hold their solemnisation.

ceremony done. and we all warned steven to lock the certificate well lest one day,ginny gone bonkers when shes mad at him and have it tore.

thats debbie,janice and i helping out at the reception.

for those whom i never never formally introduced,meet kai wei.

irene,steven's cousin,on the most left; and shujun,steven's sister on the most right.

most left,steven's sister as well,jenny.

too bad alan not in the picture,or it will be almost complete.

us with ah ma.

ginny's friends. the one at the centre does facial for almost all of us. and the one next to me is elaine. i cant recognise her the first time and the only thing that triggered a bit of my memory,'the one from st.margs too remember?' ginny's SQ ex-colleague.

my love and irene.

be a little wowed. (;

relatives from mummy's side.

the three sisters and the men.

steven making his touching speech. hope auntie get a speedy recovery.

i just had to post this three idiots la. dancing while steven was singing. totally comical.

and this weekend,was totally spent with kai wei and his family.
still waiting for his cousin and sister for some photos. was
too tired to camwhore already.

i know a bit sua ku. but first time on river taxi la. getting to know er,singapore?

that uber tired look.

sentosa the second day.

his relatives.

its enjoy some beer time! (;

thats all for now.

not forgettng,please visit VOILE at http://voilecollections.wordpress.com/!

worthy or not.

2010-10-19T19:59:00.004+08:00

been so busy.

last week was busy with ginny's wedding and the aftermath.
before the week ends,kai wei's parents and four more relatives
came to visit him.
and for the passed three days,we have been out with them;and
lots of eating la!

darn tiring.

in fact,the recent weekend while entertaining his family members;
it has been a really rough one for the both of us.

this fateful night,i dont know what got into him or even triggered
him to ask me the things he never asked. since i felt that we have
been together for some time,might as well just let him know the
things he ought to know;that 'let him know now rather than break
it out to him later' kind of mentality.

i guess he wasnt able to digest well with what i told him. and he said
things that he claims he didnt mean it. so how do i trust again.

finally had it all sort out. though i dont know whens the next wave.

but i finally have the courage to say;
im happy to have him in my life.

its a different feel.

2010-10-14T19:49:00.003+08:00

a heated argument with kai wei before and on the night of
ginny's wedding. i almost gave up the relationship.

at that point of time i felt really tired of the whole thing.

things continue as per normal,but i still feel different
inside.

edgy; on my nerves.

2010-10-04T15:30:00.002+08:00

whats with that boy's tweets ah?

weird right.

if you quarrel with your boyfriend or girlfriend;
talk to a friend about it la.

tweet to the whole world.
chee bye.

next time dont ask why i dont like to meet your friends.
na ma.

job hunting.

2010-09-22T04:29:00.002+08:00

after almost 3 months of slacking, im finally looking for

a job. however, job hunting is so toughhhh!

because,i dont know what i should do now.

and so,jina recommended this agency guy to me and he

introduced me a sales job,kitchen appliances. my job

scope,look for those interior designers especially.

and so,after 2-3 days of no response,i went on to job hunt

sites to search for more jobs. and there i found this online

sales consultant. which, i pretty like it because its with

regards to,online media industry.

with much interest with the media industry, i really hope

i can get this job. but, i will have to wait till i get shortlisted

for the second interview; which i will be requested to do

some reading on some websites, answer a quiz, lastly, be

given 15 minutes slides-reading time and do a presentation

in front of my interviewers.

however, the kitchen appliances' sales manager already gave

me a signal that she might hire me and when the agency called;

i have to go down tml for my second interview and afterwhich,

a contract will be offered right away.

what should i do now. /: sians.

heavy topic for the night.

2010-09-18T04:05:00.002+08:00

just last week,i was at ginny's place,helping them to select
some wedding photos. and when i got home about 1am or so,
ginny text me saying her mother-in-law-to-be fainted at
home and they are both heading to the new hospital at yishun.

steven's mum fainted at home until his younger sister got home.
auntie went coma and had to go through surgery and right now,
we are still waiting for her to recover. because she ocassionally
open her eyes and then went back to sleep again.

just the day before,they celebrated her 60th birthday.

earlier,steven started this topic like he didnt have enough time
to be filial towards the mother. and trying to persuade us to treat
our mother better.

and it was indeed a heavy topic.

not that we really hate our mother to the core and of course,we
would like to treat her better because,we still wouldnt want
anything to happen to her. still,dont annoy us like every second of
our life.

and ginny added,you can always tell how the parents are like by
judging a child. and somehow,its true.

my grandfather always whack my father till he passed on about
30 plus. and then our father whack us when we were young and
never realised how much it would have affected us. but i love my
father more than my mum. i know its always 'loving mothers more'.
but,all the beatings and chaos at home,all thanks to my mum.

its not about forgiving. its not about forgetting.
not just like when you fall out of the love you thought it was true,
you forgive and forget. no. it doesnt work that way.

my mum love to do things like why others kids can do this or that to
their mum but you girls dont. and obviously our reply would be either
"because we are not them" or our hot favourite,"because our mum is
not their mum".

its endless. but still,we hope that they are still in the pink.
all living creatures age and get ill. kikki is already one good example.

anyhoo,hope that steven's mum can have a speedy recovery.

maybe i should,

2010-09-11T05:07:00.002+08:00

learn to give.

im always at the receiving end,and forgotten how does it feel as a 'giver'.

throughout all these years,i come across most of the heartless men who have been able to hop onto another one for as soon as they meet the next.

and who knows,kai wei is still the untainted one who utterly believes in love. and i almost forgot,even big boys get heartbroken too.

and i think,ive been too harsh with that boy.
i felt so guilty last night that when i woke up this morning,my heart still feel a tinge of sting.

i told him he deserve better and prolly he wont be happy with me,or even expect from me. i know i know,it takes two hands to clap,but on the fateful note,im clapping much slower and need time to learn to love a person.

i know i suck,but thats not the point.
all i have to do now,learn to give a little bit more to the love rather than just,trying .

just as bad.

2010-09-06T05:05:00.002+08:00

i seriously think im not a girlfriend material.
but,nothing very much wrong with moving with the flow right?

quick updates since im dying to get myself to sleep.

kai wei has been a rather sweet boy.
and im so used to him being around.

i read something some other days and mistakenly took it to heart.

maybe i should learn commitment,all over again.

dang-dang-dang-dang.

2010-09-02T01:54:00.003+08:00

ginny getting married.
me like ah sum.
eileen and i both slurged big time on both our evening gowns.
still scouting for make up artists and heels.
kai wei have yet to find his suitable outfit to match my evening gown.
that boy want something greyyy.

long way to goooooooooo still.

rational,or not.

2010-08-31T00:26:00.002+08:00

theres always a reason why i feel a part of it still,
and i feel that my guts is gradually getting right.

2010-08-30T23:08:00.001+08:00

like that happy meh?

wavering.

2010-08-18T02:06:00.004+08:00

i wish i could hold as much faith.
i dont know whats up but at times;
i just get screwed up and fade away.

and barely spare a thought for the boy.

ginny treats kai wei pretty well;
double standards okay! treat him better than she treats
her biological sister!

i asked my sister once why is it that she seems to treat him
exceptionally well.
she replied,"dont you think they quite pitiful. since young they
were sent to singapore to study without their parents around
and now that they have grown up,they still have to work and
support themselves."

because of what she said,made me feel really really guilty.
feel lagi more fucked up. /:

i dont know how is it going to make me sound like one
asshole.

at times i wondered what went wrong previously.
another him seem to have disappeared from my life.
and now,he seem to be coming back again.

but no point,just no point.

things just goes round and round. how great.

abandonment issues.

2010-08-16T01:59:00.001+08:00

i miss being myself.

a post to my dearest friend.

2010-08-11T04:40:00.003+08:00

you have too many email addresses and im too confused
to which to give permission to my blog.

and this message is for you;since i have the time to write
this.

i had too much in my head to even care about the world.

during the time you felt that you are in a whirl as well;
my world was full of stress and i cant handle at all. do you
even see where was i coming from before you start telling
me im a changed person?

i dont know why i had to write essays like this or even receive
long messages as though im going back secondary school
days. because we have progressed from that stage.

i have always enjoyed our friendship,because i thought it
didnt have to be high maintenance.
but dear friend,you made me so very afraid of speaking to
you. i know you are going to tell me that it is hurting for me
to even write something like that or even have said that words
i ever mentioned to you.

i was moving house. everything in a mess. i cant adapt to my
new environment. i cried myself to sleep. i cant concentrate at
work. ive lost interest and passion for my job. i lost my job.
do you like these things? do you enjoy seeing me confiding with
all these bad news and only then you think you know me?

why cant i just live drunkly happily and let life move on?
why push me to one corner till i want to break free and almost
had me lose control to make things ugly?

i cherish our friendship,and i meant my words.
i dont have the time to listen to every single words and console
every single broken soul. im not complete either. i have heaps
of problems awaiting for me every day and i cant take moles
for granted as there are lots of them.

who say every one else are getting time from me except you?
just because they get to see me for an hour or two?
just because they happen to take a photo with me?

my only free time is only partying!
thats the only time i can break free from my hectic choo-ed brain.
i dont need advices. i dont need listeners. i dont need talkers.
i need directions.
NO! not directions to tell me whats wrong.
i merely need directions to tell me whats the right path to get to
my destination. period.

The L Word

2010-08-03T00:34:00.002+08:00

imma loser la!
darn.

))))):

dont like it.

2010-07-23T17:10:00.003+08:00

somehow;
just sensing that bit of shadow?

i swear its fucking disturbing.

brain juice brain juice;

2010-07-22T04:52:00.001+08:00

where art thou, brain juice?!

one step at a time.
one step at a time.
one step at a time.

never been able to,

2010-07-21T14:31:00.001+08:00

not sure since when,ive never been able to trust.

anyone,including myself.

ohhhh-nooooo.

2010-07-21T06:11:00.001+08:00

darn. cant get to sleep at all.
tml confirm lethargic.
):

attachment.

2010-07-20T00:40:00.002+08:00

ive always been so comfortable being alone;
and there come this boy who strangely enjoy hanging
around me even if he has nothing to do.

now that he is enlisting soon.

looking forward to august and september.
gonna be another brand new start,somewhere.

and i swear.

2010-07-17T00:13:00.001+08:00

human are selfish by nature,period.

completed; NOT.

2010-07-16T00:43:00.002+08:00

strangely,even after being jobless.
im still busy and tired like everyday?

but the fatigue now is so much better than feeling
all stressed up like every minute of my life.

was drafting one of my entry since monday.
still,i was never able to complete that entry.
it was not very long. guess it was just not words that
i am able to pen down.
because i always end up slapping myself.

sometimes,i just feel like a complete bitch.
will you guys just pardon me should i not show any
empathy because ive totally lost my ability to do so
already?
all right,i know some of you must be thinking;
not like i care?

oh boy.

disappointed.

2010-07-12T12:52:00.001+08:00

so fucking disappointed with myself.

was late for an hour la.
wok up only at 9 am.
only have myself to blame.

still,i will try again.

love me more please!

2010-07-10T22:24:00.003+08:00

went for interview today.

and thank god i didnt see the same interviewer for the
third time!

(i was so fucking emo while waiting and so almost back
out la.)

i got in the first round. finally!

looking forward to the next few interviews. (:

so good mood that i bet today for germany and spain.
but today spent more on germany.

GERMANY PLEASE 2-0 TONIGHT!
DO IT FOR THE GERMENS. (;

colourblind?

2010-07-10T02:14:00.001+08:00

what's the colour of your heart?

i think mine is black. /:

2010-07-08T06:55:00.002+08:00

even thinking for a blog title seems to be tough.
prolly because im writing an entry at 6.58am when i
had slept for 7 hours?

wanted to party last night.
apparently the suntanning from yesterday was kind of
tiring. but it was all good catching up on all my lost sleeps.

and now,i just have to be clear minded to get things done.

might not know whats lie ahead. but i will still embrace the
life out there for me.

shall grit my teeth through! and learn to be stronger. (:

2010-07-07T12:36:00.001+08:00

where'd you go.
i miss you so.

termination.

2010-07-06T17:13:00.004+08:00

am i supposed to be ashamed of being terminated from
employment with w company?

i should have been;
if it has been my inability.

i wonder it has been the right move to even let them know
i wanted to resign last tuesday.
and tah-dah,yesterday evening,about 5 pm odd. meiyu got
me in the room with the HR manager, and says they no
longer need my services.

it all started with a really long story.

however,i am glad im out of the company.
i no longer feel unhappy!

but,needa find a new job really fast. everything grows and
the thing that grows the slowest,the bank account.

previously i thought,working in a office could be some new
change. and it sure did. i will never return office.

but i am glad a made good friends like yammy and yy.

and i guess i will start to appreciate jobs with irregular timing.

i woke up at 10am today. did some research online and did
some stuff necessary online as well for about two hours.

prepared food for kikki and bobo.
marinated chicken for my lunch-cum-dinner.
bathed the dogs.
packed my bag because im like staying here and there these days.
going to bath now.
wait for sister to come back.
and then head for my class! (:

i will try harder tml.

but tml my schedule is easier.

morning suntanning.
4pm i am going for my hair treatment appointment.
might be partying in the night!

I LOVE MY LIFE MORE! especially WITHOUT W COMPANY!

i cherish my time more because i felt as though i had to sell my
life to that darn company. /:

as i recall.

2010-06-29T01:19:00.002+08:00

every phone call from you,was nothing good.
and it took me so many years,to be as cruel as you.

i knew i had to be resolute about it.

thank you for the bad beginning. that i knew there shouldnt be a proper ending.

somehow;

2010-06-28T18:35:00.001+08:00

you will learn to appreciate.
to see lesser of your dislikes.
and see more of the good things.

but one thing i never learn,was never to be contented.

only place.

2010-06-27T17:33:00.001+08:00

i hate emotional rides that im having these days.
always shut myself up and shun away from the rest of the world.

i always blame those bastards out there for screwing my life up;but i must admit i was the stupid willing party as well.

at times,just at times,i feel that my sister havent been making it easy as well.

mood swings.

2010-06-27T05:33:00.002+08:00

sometimes i feel fucked up.
sometimes i do miss.
sometimes,ive forgotten all that i felt.

something is wrong with me.

2010-06-23T21:12:00.002+08:00

im not happy.
im not contented.
im not hopeful.

fuck my life.

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at age 24.

2010-06-22T09:33:00.001+08:00

its awful when age is the concern.

where should we be standing now?

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human are selfish.

2010-06-17T20:10:00.001+08:00

and im one of the fucking selfish ones.

i blame it on the spate of events that happened in my life. and think that its only right for me to be fucking selfish because of how vengeful i felt inside.

when someone did me wrong,maybe it aint serious. but i will never think of giving a second chance.

but when i did wrong to anyone,no,not a wee bit of guilt.

i was thinking to myself.

one headache in front of me, in order to not so worry about it, i search for other alternatives. and who knows the next one is also a problem.,and focus more on the next one then next one and next. as time pass and it goes on like a chain and habit. great, i have a mountain of it waiting me.

tired.
i need a life.

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my last week staying here.

2010-06-10T16:30:00.001+08:00

im so going to miss this place.

will be moving to yishun with my parents and the best part is,to stay with her sister and the husband because three of their daughters have already gotten married.

but the dogs wont be staying with me.
everybody knows the dogs are more important than my mother la. knn.

just two days ago,i got home in the evening and mummy showed me this brown envelope sent by a fucking anonymous fellow. its a threaten letter.

in it,theres a hell note,incense paper and a note;it says,
tell #08-108 oi cheng beng to o$p$ or you will be the next one.
and knn this idiot actually paid for a 25cents postage just to mail this over?!!

daddy called police and that fucker from bedok police hq told him to send it down instead. and i wonder whats wrong with my parents,they barely understand what the fuck that motherfucker trying to tell them,yet they refuse to let me speak to them?!!

heres my conversation with that idiot;
me: "im the daughter here,may i know what time will your guys be coming down?"
vic the idiot: "can you ask your father to bring the letter down?"
me: "my father just told you he just drank,you dont expect him to drink and drive. neither do i have license and no way am i going out at this hour when its past midnight "
idiot: "if thats is so,you wait a while. my guys doing their patrolling."
me: "okay. i will wait. so how long do you think they will finish their rounds?"
idiot: "i cant confirm. must wait first."
me: "i dont need you to confirm,just an estimation will do."
idiot: "errrr. about one hour like that."
me: "okay. i will wait for an hour and if they still dont turn up. i will ca you back."
idiot: "but...."
me: "what number do i call and whats your name?"
idiot: "62180000 vic. but they might take more than one hour..."
me: "its okay. after one hour i will call you back again. bye."

knn! guess what. after i end the call,i go and bath. those police came about 15 minutes later! of all civil servants,police fucking free already leh! still try to smoke my parents. chee bye.

i will call that fucker again if i still dont hear from them. CHEE BYEEEEEEE!

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Location:Tampines Avenue 9,Tampines,Singapore